Very recently I was approached by a TV News Channel for an interview on my views about the impending decision by the Supreme Court on same-sex marriages in LGBTQ+ community, a day before the interview the producer called me to understand the outline of what I would say.
So I briefly narrated the mental health issues related to non-acceptance by society and socialisation in a heteronormative environment. Therefore, in view of this, the ruling should be given as quickly as possible.
For the next 30 minutes, the producer tried very hard to convince me that I was wrong and that this is against ‘Bharatiya Sabhyata’. My interview slot was cancelled. So much for freedom of speech.
The reason that I narrated this story is to demonstrate the deep-seated sense of morality attributed to heteronormative behaviour to the exclusion of everything outside it. This is something that is ingrained in us during our growing-up years, where the only valid form of physical and emotional intimacy is between a man and a woman.
Our society has managed to weave a narrative of linearity around this idea that the body that we are born with, determines our gender. Our biological gender determines our sexuality. And our sexuality should be explored only in a heterosexual marriage. The fact is that nothing in our world is this linear, especially in Bharitya Sabhyata. Everything including our spirituality is a complex and intricate structure.
Similar views are held by a large part of the society. As a result, LGBTQ+ becomes a stigmatised minority, leading to horrific impacts on their mental health at most stages of life that are otherwise celebrated by the heterosexual population.
Two key stages and some of the issues related to them are:
1- Discovery
At some stage in our teen years, we all discover ourselves as sexual beings. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, this phase of discovery is filled with anxiety about having immoral thoughts.
The reason for this is internalised homophobia or heterosexism. Internalised homophobia refers to a conscious, subconscious, or unconscious belief by LGBTQ+ individuals that same-sex sexual attraction, behaviours, and relationships are wrong and immoral.
Effects at the discovery phase include:
- Anger: This anger, frustration and rage is towards self and other members of the LGBTQ+ for being at odds with heteronormative society.
- Anxiety: Feelings of unease due to same-sex sexual desire or behaviour vis a vis the norm.
- Shame: Feelings of humiliation and embarrassment.
- Depression: Feelings of depression and hopelessness due to same-sex sexual desire, as their sexual orientation is at odds with the perceived virtues of heterosexuality
- Isolation: This emanates from overwhelming fear of rejection and they begin to feel isolated even from their own family and friends.
2- Coming out
The members of LGBTQ+ when coming out expect non-acceptance at every step of the way.
Stress Induced by Expectation of Disapproval
People in my personal experience have gone through anxiety as well as panic attacks when faced with the process of ‘coming out’. There are overt expressions of disapproval as well as more subtle hints that homosexuality will not be accepted which leads to chronic stress over a period of time.
The chronic stress also makes these members of LGBTQ+ hyper-vigilant where they constantly scan the environment for subtle threats.
Fear for One’s Safety
I have had a couple of cases where people were physically thrashed for coming out and the parents thought a therapist could ‘fix’ this problem. Other than physical safety issues there are also other threats that loom large in the environment such as discrimination, stereotyping, labelling and so on that can feel humiliating.
Fear of Losing Family and Friends
More often than not, the families do begin to accept and extend support, but the whole coming out process is a daunting one, where the members dream of losing family and friends for several months due to the stigma that surrounds Many people choose to dissociate with members of LGBTQ+ community.
Why Should We Extend Support to LGBTQ
Being homosexual or Transgender is not a choice people make. It is how they are born. It is how their brain forms their identity beyond their choosing.
Sexual Identity is prenatally decided, as research from UC Berkeley tells us. It’s like some people are born tall and some short. It is not a choice. And therefore offering them absolute and unconditional acceptance is the change that society owes to them.
How to Extend Support to LGBTQ
Whether you are part of LGBTQ+ or have friends and family, you can be a supportive friend in several ways. Here are some of them:
- Mind your language: Some anti-gay jokes/phrases have just become a part of our vocabulary. Becoming aware and stopping ourselves as well as others can help make the environment better.
- Spending quality time with LGBTQ+: Listening to their perspectives and understanding the challenges they face.
- Introspecting the internalized homophobic ideas in ourselves and those around us.
How Therapy Can Help
The effects of non-acceptance, stigmatisation, and discrimination can be severe. If these symptoms impact your ability to function in a normal way every day and develop healthy relationships, therapy would help.
Therapists are able to create a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your thoughts and feelings while normalising any internalised homophobic ideas that you might be holding.
